Heads up, ladies: It’s approaching fall already. Not only does that mean holiday shopping season is just around the corner, but it also means that engagement season is too. If you have someone special in your life and think the possibility of getting engaged is real, then you should prepare yourself for one potential yet little-discussed outcome: You might hate the ring.
As a woman of a certain style, you probably have a taste level that you rarely (if ever) compromise on. This means that if you didn’t work together with your S.O. to pick out the ring—i.e., if you preferred a surprise and left it somewhat up to chance—the possibility exists that you might not care for the ring you’re given.
With the goal of helping you figure out what to do in the event that this unfortunate situation presents itself, we did a bit of digging and found several differing opinions on the matter. They’re all totally valid, and we leave it up to you to decide what’s best.
Keep scrolling for some sage words of wisdom on what you should do if you secretly hate your engagement ring.
If you’re having doubts about whether or not you should just tell your S.O. how you feel, then allow etiquette maven Emily Post to quell those fears. You should feel free to express your feelings about the ring, as long as you do so very carefully and tactfully.
“You need to speak to your fiancé about your distaste for the ring style. Tactfully [explain] that you can’t see yourself wearing this style of ring,” Post advises. “Above all, be sensitive to your fiance’s feelings, as [they] may have chosen the ring with the utmost care and thoughtfulness, and may react to your wanting to change the ring with mixed emotions.”
Another option is approaching the botched ring purchase as a project the two of you can work on together and bond over.
“If it is a family heirloom, perhaps offering to reset the stone(s) in a style that is better suited to your taste would be an acceptable solution,” Post says. “If [they] purchased the ring new, maybe you could suggest that you substitute the setting for an alternative one that you choose yourself.”
“Suggest that the two of you shop for something that accommodates your sense of style,” Project Wedding insists. “An engagement ring is a major purchase, so it doesn’t make any sense to waste money on something you haven’t exactly fallen in love with.”
If you’re not in love with your ring but you just don’t have the heart to tell your partner, you can always simply keep your dislike to yourself and try to learn to love the ring.
“If the ring is an heirloom, or if what you have in mind simply isn’t within your fiancé’s budget, be happy with the ring you received,” Brides.com advises. You’re marrying the person, after all, “not the ring.”
“Don’t forget about what your ring represents. A ring is a gift meant to show your partner’s love and commitment as you begin your lives together,” one wedding writer at Loverly suggests. “Thinking about how much your intended loved choosing it for you, or what he or she said when presenting it to you, might help you keep things in perspective.”
A simple ring truly shines.
We love the unexpected sheen of black diamonds and a single pearl.
A classically gorgeous choice worthy of any bride.
We’re digging this signet-style band.
There’s no such thing as too much sparkle.
Oakland-based Lauren Wolf’s gold ring mixes elegances with a nontraditional vibe.
Dainty, feminine, and just sparkly enough.
A thicker band would look extra pretty with a slender wedding ring.
An evil-eye shape adds extra good luck to your auspicious day.
Why not give this split-diamond ring a try?