Be careful, dear readers, today┬'s story may foul your sensibilities. To avoid that not-so-fresh feeling, please only view the above images* in short increments.
This sad Tuesday, we must bring your attention to the most unfortunate of fashion trends┬--suspenders. We┬'re not bothered by the existence of this item per se, but rather the way in which it is currently being worn. Unlike, oh, say, fingerless gloves, suspenders actually serve a purpose. We understand if you┬'ve got a snappy pair that you like to wear instead of a belt. It┬'s weird, but we get it. We just hope that you realize that you look like you┬'re channeling Bill Lumbergh, Gordon Gekko, or Larry King.
However, to the above celebrities (and other offenders too) who insist on wearing suspenders as a piece of outfit flair, it┬'s off to the Time Out corner for you. There are so many interesting ways to spice up your style, but this nonsense must be curbed immediately. First of all, if you wear the suspenders on your shoulders, you┬'re going to run into a wee issue of awkward fit due to breasts (see far left image). If you wear them hanging down...well, what┬'s the point? All of this brings us back to our original point┬--please suspend this trend.
*may cause nausea, vision trauma, or Mork flashbacks
Photos of Fergie and Lisa, courtesy of Pacific Coast News