Celebrity Street Style/May 24th
Prepare your feisty retorts, dear readers, because we have our monthly installment of A Guy¬'s Opinion ready for your reading pleasure. Today¬'s story plumbs the brain of Brian, 27, who boldly gives his thoughts on everything from sheer shirts to self-tanner.
Men and fashion: Two words that are usually only found together because they share space on the cover of this month¬'s Cosmo. So why would a guy¬'s opinion matter? I mean, girls dress for other girls, right? Maybe not entirely¬--I¬'d say you dress to grab attention from guys and make a statement about yourself to other girls. While most guys are oblivious to fashion, we occasionally listen to that statement. Here¬'s what I¬'m hearing from these girl...
I don¬'t know how many layers she is wearing on top, but I can tell you she¬'s not wearing a bra. Even if pasties had been employed, my eyes are still drawn to that chest veil. It¬'s like a tinted window of lingerie goodness. It¬'s interesting but not slutty; it lets us know you have the goods but you¬'re not giving it all away. The gold-encrusted Blu Blockers are rockin¬'. They¬'re aloof, but fun. Ladies, can you PLEASE stop buying weathered old Bag Lady bags¬-they make you look like (surprise)¬-BAG LADIES! And unless she¬'s walking to her niece¬'s Indian Princess meeting, the Pocahontas moccasins are just an odd choice. All being said, I¬'m still a guy and this looks good. If that grande latte she has in her hand gets her caffeinated enough to make the journey out of Jamestown and over to my teepee, I¬'ll let her in.
You can¬'t go wrong with all black, unless, you buy all of it at Target in the Pre-Pubescent Boys¬' section. [Editor¬'s Note: Interesting name for a department] Although it looks like the overall coordination is there, it¬'s just not flattering to her body. The jeans look like they¬'re hiding something a la ¬"The Crying Game.¬" Her skin tone is too pale for the rest of her body to be painted in black. The oversized, bug-eyed sunglasses are a bit ubiquitous at this point, but for good reason, as they still do the trick. This outfit is telling me that she¬'s fashionable but has a boyfriend. Or maybe a girlfriend. Either way, I¬'m out.
Somewhere along the way I heard that everything matches with white. That is, everything except for a New Jersey spray tan. I¬'m thinking of getting into fashion design after seeing this outfit, since apparently if you sew white linen restaurant napkins together, you can sell it as evening attire. I think I¬'ve seen this dress before¬--the only difference was that the dress was made of red latex and was sold on Hollywood Blvd. with a whip and chain. And what¬'s with the awkward silver and gold accessories? Are you the winner? No. Second place? Not quite. Maybe you should have accessorized with ¬"honorable mention.¬"
Cool shoes. Silk scarves usually remind me of over-cultured, leather-skinned French women, but it looks good with this ensemble since it is the only point of interest. She¬'s not going to turn any heads on a runway, but she also isn¬'t going to look back at this picture of herself in ten years and wonder why she thought it was a good idea to go shopping in the Cowboys and Indians section of Toys ¬'R¬' Us (ahem, #1). The only thing I don¬'t like about this outfit is the oversized bag. Unless you have another change of clothes or a deli sandwich in there, why do you need so much stuff with you at all times? To me, big bags on girls always means that girl has big baggage. Isn¬'t that annoying to have to carry around all the time? Maybe it's because you want to keep your arms in shape but don¬'t have time to exercise¬--the new 6-minute biceps workout!