Celebrity Street Style/July

Welcome to another (no doubt) polarizing installment of A GuyÂ's Opinion! TodayÂ's ultra-mannish comments are the unfiltered brainstuff of Shane, 36, who runs a boutique marketing firm and is passionate about the Pop Warner football team he coaches (defensive coordinator, if you were wondering). ShaneÂ's thoughts on such diverse subjects as HeavenÂ's Gate and high-waists are yours for the browsing...

First of all, lemme preface everything I say with, I have no clue what's in, what out, or what's in between. I probably should but I don't. That being said I can only rely on my red-blooded, Midwestern, boy sense that asks one question, Â"Do I wanna have sex with these girls?Â" The answer? Yes. All of them.

1. Rachel Bilson
Love the dress. ItÂ's stylish, casual, and comfortable. The whole thing seems to emit sensibility and confidence. However, the glasses are lame. They wouldn't fit a pro wrestlerÂ's steroid-enlarged face, let alone hers. Cute nose. Dig her. Who is that again? Moving on...

2. Zoe Kravitz
This is evidently the love child of Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet. I forgot her name, but this girl is really beautiful. I will say this dress is dope, and shows off some ridiculous legs. Also, the color of the dress is gorgeous. I'm a bit confused about why sheÂ'd wear pink shoes with a red bag and red necklaces. Shouldn't that shit match? I'm not sure if I'm right or wrong, but I wish it woulda matched.

3. Sarah Michelle Gellar
The outfit reminds me of those cats who thought the comet was coming, put the correct starship fare in their pocket, and then killed themselves. [Ed note: HeÂ's referring to the HeavenÂ's Gate/Hale Bopp mass suicide for those of you who donÂ't follow.] The necklace is way too long, but that doesnÂ't bother me that much overall. WhatÂ's with the gold headband and silver shoes? I protest the metallic clashingÂ--itÂ's silly. As for the rest, the rock hanging off her finger is obnoxious. ItÂ's way too big. Simple and classic is better than having a whole diamond quarry on your hand.

4. Sienna Miller
I get that high-waisted stuff is a big deal right now, but it makes women look mad frumpy. IÂ'm totally down with shorts, especially if youÂ've got the gams to carry them, but I donÂ't like these shorts. The buttons are too big, theyÂ're all wrinkled like sheÂ's been sleeping in themÂ--itÂ's garbage. She nailed the rest of the outfit though: hair is great, bag is okay, and I like the shenanigans going on with the layers of necklaces and wristband du jour. But the old lady, frumpy shorts...IÂ'd rather see muffin top than the high waist. Muffin top can be cute.

In closing, I just wanna make it clear that these girls (and whoever's reading this) shouldn't worry about a single thing I have to say about their clothes. My thoughts are just goofy bantering from an extremely unqualified judge. Its gotta be such a drag to have constant scrutiny about what you are wearing. If any of the above girls ever see me, feel free to punch me in the nose.

Photos of Zoe and Sienna, courtesy of SplashNews.
EXPLORE: Events, Rachel Bilson, Sienna Miller, Zoe Kravitz, Prada, Ray-Ban
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